I never understood women who stood by their husbands after they cheated, until the same thing happened to me.  Turning off your feelings like a light switch or just forgetting all of the good times is easier said than done.  And, I know that I’m alone in feeling this way.  I get a lot of emails from wives that say things like:  “my husband cheated and I am furious with him, but I can’t help it.  I still love him,” or “how spineless am I? My husband cheated on me, but I can’t kick him out or turn my back on him.  I still love him.  I don’t want to let this destroy my family.  Am I wrong to feel this way?,” or “I hate what he did, but I still love him.  What’s wrong with me?”  I’ll try to answer these questions in the following article.  

Whatever You Feel Is Valid: First, I want to reassure you that no matter what you are feeling right now, it’s perfectly normal and it’s absolutely valid.  Your feelings and reactions following finding out about the affair are going to run the gauntlet and probably will differ from day to day.  One day you may be furious.  The next you may be sad.  Another day you may be guilty or ashamed.  These fluctuating feelings, although frustrating, are absolutely natural. 

You’ll have to be patient with yourself as you process this.  Healing doesn’t not happen over night and it is isn’t linear.  You’ll often move forward only to regress a bit later.  That doesn’t mean that you’re delayed or not progressing.  It just means that an affair is a very hard blow and is very difficult to maneuver.

Don’t Worry About What Others Think: One thing that was very difficult for me to get over is the fear of what others thought of me.  I made the mistake of telling most of my girlfriends about the affair.  So, they were just as angry at my husband as I was.  This felt good at first, but as I began to suspect that I wanted to save my marriage, I began to get comments like “just keep an eye on him so that he doesn’t do it again,” or “you’re a better person than I am.  If my husband cheated on me, I’d kick him out immediately,” or “isn’t cheating a deal breaker? How could you possibly even consider taking him back?”

Of course, these things made me doubt what I was feeling and had me feeling like I was constantly wrong or had no backbone whatsoever.  One day, a new friend (who didn’t know my husband) gave me some very good advice.  She said: “Listen, the only one who has to live your life is you.  The only one who should be concerned with your marriage is you and your husband.  You are the only one who knows if his actions are good enough for you.  And that’s the only one who matters – you.”

This really struck a cord with me.  The truth is, my friends were only in my life for a few minutes per day, but my husband had walked the path with me for years, had raised my children with me, and knew me like no one else.  These things could not be discounted just because my friends didn’t see them or hadn’t experienced them.

Separating The Person From The Act:  I often think that people who just can not forgive the affair no matter how hard they try are those who are unable to separate the person (their husband) from the actions (the affair.)  They are never able to get to the place where they can’t think about their husbands and the affair simultaneously.

But, some people are able to do this – which is why forgiveness and another chance are sometimes possible.  This was the case for me.  It took a long time, but eventually, I was able to separate the man who had sacrificed for our family from the man who made one bad decision. Some people are never able to do this, and that’s perfectly normal too.  But, it’s just as normal (and as healthy) to be able to separate the two.

Some Things That May Help You Feel Better About Still Loving Him: After a while, I decided that although I did still love my husband, there were things that I needed to move forward while maintaining my self respect.  I needed to know that my husband was willing to do the work necessary to ensure that this would never happen to me again.  I needed for him to be truly remorseful and to check in frequently.  I needed for him to have no secrets from me, no matter how small.  And, I needed for him to support me while I did some individual work on myself.

He was glad to do these things and his willingness indicated to me that he was trustworthy, sorry, and that the marriage that was worth fighting for.

This decision is very individual and there is no right or wrong answer.  But, if you still love your husband after an affair, that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.  It just means that you were able to separate the person from the act and that you’ve chosen your marital history over one bad decision.

So many concerned wives and husbands have fallen victim to finding out their lover was cheating on them. The very sad truth about this is that most people never know until many years later. It’s such a terrible thing to find out but wouldn’t you like to find out now instead of wasting years of dedication to your cheating lover?

There are many ways to go about finding out if your lover is cheating. For instance, if your lover has been working late all of a sudden then check their paychecks. If you can’t see them then you can just watch their spending habits. People tend to spend more when they make more. Even if it’s just a few hundred dollars more.

You can also do some investigating of your own and get information about the phone numbers you find on their cell phone. Many people who cheat tend to keep in touch with the people their cheating with on their cell phone. So if you see any suspicious phone numbers then write them down.

Once you have those numbers you can use a professional cell phone numbers lookup service which specialize in retrieving information on various phone numbers. They can even give you information on cell phone numbers and even unlisted phone numbers.

Technology has really advanced now so these things are possible. Are you ready to find out if your lover is true to the promises they made to you? Are you certain they are cheating but just don’t know how to catch them in the act?

There are many signs of infidelity, but the problem is that these can also be signs of something else that is not cheating. You need to know what to look for and how to get full 100% proof of what is going on or you might end up confronting your significant other about something that is not going on. Here are the top signs of infidelity and how to get some proof.

1. They start to spend a lot of time with others or doing something else

This could be working late, going out with friends, or a new hobby. These can all be signs that there is someone else in their lives, but they can also be exactly what they are. They could just be working late or just really be into a new hobby. However, this is a warning sign you cannot ignore.

2. They have an aggressive attitude or defensive attitude towards you

Aggression that is not normal and when someone becomes defensive you are most likely dealing with one of two things. Either their mind is somewhere else, maybe work, and something is not going quite right. Or they are feeling guilty for something, which could very easily be cheating.

3. They start to work out and take better care of themselves

When we find someone new we want to impress them, so we might start working out, eating right, and dressing a way that is out of the normal. These are very much warning signs of infidelity and you need to pay attention at this point. However, they could just be trying to look better for you and for themselves.

Once you recognize a few signs that they might be cheating it is time to get some proof of what is going on. You will need to get creative, do some snooping, and have a plan. The best way to catch someone after finding signs of infidelity is to have a step by step plan to help you get the perfect proof you need to bust them with the other person.

This is much better than confronting them and finding out you are wrong and with the right plan you can do what is necessary to catch them in the act without ruining your relationship if they are not cheating.

Have you been asking yourself the question, is my wife cheating? If you have been doing this and you are suspicious of her, then there is probably a good reason for it. There are many ways to find out if your wife is cheating on you and here are the top 3 ways to tell.

When women cheat it usually is not planned out at first, but once it becomes a regular thing they can get very good at it and they can hold it in forever. However, when women do this they will feel incredibly guilty and will try to make up for it in other aspects like being extra sweet to you. This could mean she is cheating, especially if she is going over the top much more often than normal.

Another way to answer the question in your head, is my wife cheating, is to watch her moods. When women feel guilty for cheating they will often become snappy and nothing you do with ever be good enough. They will get upset about the smallest things and they will try to rationalize their cheating by making you feel like you are the biggest jerk in the world. This is a natural reaction and if it happens you might have the answer to, is my wife cheating?

The last way to tell if she is cheating is to notice how much sex you have. Contrary to popular belief women want and need sex just as bad as men, but if they are getting it from someone other than you, then they will not be nearly as willing with you. It will be the same as if you went on a trip and you spent 3 straight days in the hotel room going at it. She is not going to want to have sex with you because she is sore from the guy she is cheating with and she already got fulfilled.