The first secret is to give up living in hopeful fantasy and to see and accept your partner for who they really are. If this new clarity means that you discover some intolerable or unacceptable behaviors or attitudes on their part, then don’t waste anyone’s time and just walk away. Knowing the truth gives you the power to take good care of yourself. You’ll be avoiding a whole lot of misery in this way.

You also need to know that your partner fully sees and accepts you as you are. There’s no point in presenting a “cleaned up” version of yourself to them because then the person that they’re loving isn’t the real you. You can never feel truly loved if you’re showing them an inauthentic self. If you’ve shown your true self to your partner and they can’t accept it, again, walk away. Nothing’s going to change.

The second secret in successful romance is not to make your partner responsible for giving your life meaning. Both people should be complete beings; each with their own life, friends and attitudes. You should complement each-other rather than complete each-other. Each person needs to bring something of value to the table, and you must remain separate and distinct individuals while developing your connection.

Becoming overly-enmeshed and giving up your identity in a relationship is a sure way of creating unhappiness. Your partner chose you for your unique qualities. Losing them would mean depriving your partner of what they liked about you in the first place. It won’t make you happy to give up important parts of yourself and it will only make you that much less attractive to your partner.

The third secret of a successful relationship is mutual respect. There is no place in a healthy interaction for contempt, shaming or being dismissive toward one-another. As soon as any of these attitudes become part of the relationship, it’s doomed. Both individuals must value their partner’s needs, feelings, thoughts and dreams.

The fourth secret of success is trust. There can be no real intimacy without profound trust. This trust should be based, however, on both people demonstrating to each-other through their actions that they are trust-worthy. When you have seen that your partner means what they say and keeps their promises, and when they’ve seen the same in you, real trust can take place. This makes it possible for both of you to be vulnerable and yet safe.

The fifth secret of a good relationship is not to expect the other person to heal your emotional wounds. This means that as wonderful as love is, it isn’t the cure for what ails you. It’s your responsibility to work on whatever emotional baggage you might be carrying from your childhood or from previous relationships, as opposed to burdening your partner with this expectation.

Finally, the biggest secret of all: make your partner happy and they’ll do everything they can to make you happy, too. There is an exception to this, however. Your partner must be emotionally healthy enough to reciprocate your love and attention. If you’ve been trying your best to make them happy and they aren’t doing the same for you, it means that things will always be one-sided and that it’s time to leave.

A successful romance is mainly a matter of common sense. Be realistic with your partner; stay true to yourselves; maintain your separate identities; be kind and generous and don’t burden each-other with inappropriate expectations. When you come together as conscious, responsible adults with lots of love to give, you can’t help but create a meaningful and satisfying union.

(C) Marcia Sirota 2010

http://www.ruthlesscompassioninstitute.com
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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marcia_Sirota

Number one on the list is Commitment. Both people have to take the relationship seriously and be willing and able to stick with it in good times and in bad. If one of you lacks commitment, the other will feel insecure and unloved, which leads to relationship stress. Without a strong commitment, it’s too easy to walk away when challenges arise.

Number two is Communication. Both people need to know that the other person understands their needs and feelings and will respond to them appropriately. No-one is a mind-reader and good, clear communication is the only way for two people to develop and maintain trust and intimacy.

Third on the list is Caring. Love is necessary in a relationship but it’s not enough. For a relationship to work, you must both really care about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes and values. If there’s not enough caring, no amount of infatuation or passion will keep you together.

Number four is Compromise. Being flexible and allowing for some give and take will build trust and respect. The willingness to give up something you want or to let the other person have their way shows them that you’re easy-going and responsive to their needs.

Fifth on the list is Compassion. Being understanding and tolerant toward each-other goes a long way in maintaining the good-will in a relationship. When there’s compassion instead of criticism, both people feel fully accepted and free to be their own, imperfect selves.

In sixth place is Conscientiousness. When both people are thoughtful and regularly rise to the occasion and do the right thing, it creates an atmosphere of comfort and happiness in the relationship.

Number seven is Consistency. When you’re always the same person; when you’re reliable and dependable and you keep your promises, your partner will feel safe and secure around you.

Eighth on the list is Creativity. A relationship is a living, breathing entity requiring constant attention and maintenance. An attitude of creativity brings fun and excitement to it and keeps both partners from taking the relationship or each-other for granted.

Number nine is Consciousness. Seeing the truth about yourself and your partner will prevent a lot of potential misunderstandings. Having deeper insight and clarity allows you both to deal more effectively with any problems that do arise.

Tenth on the list is Courage. This is the ability to stand up for yourself in a relationship and to reject anything that goes against your values or causes you pain. When both people are courageous, it fosters an atmosphere of mutual respect and brings out each person’s best behavior.

When you understand and apply the Ten “C’s” of Couple Compatibility, you and your partner will be at a significant advantage, with the maximum chance of a creating happy, fulfilling long-term relationship.

(C) Marcia Sirota MD 2010

http://www.ruthlesscompassioninstitute.com
Ruthless Compassion Institute on Facebook
@rcinstitute on Twitter

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marcia_Sirota

Here are a few tips that you can use to help both yourself and your partner find a better way to effectively communicate with each other so that you can grow your relationship into a healthier state, which in turn will help you both to actually enjoy what you have together instead of dwelling on all the negativities that comes from those arguments;

Always keep in mind that men and women are different and have different approaches when it comes to communication. For example, women find it easier to open up emotionally when it comes to sharing their feelings with their partners, whereas men tend to find it more difficult to do so. In most cases, the reason for this is because they fear that they might look weak or insecure in front of their partners. Unfortunately, this is the biggest reason why many women feel their men are not connected with them as they used to be when they first started dating.

When opening any discussion with your partner, only do it when he or she has your full attention. In other words, don’t try to communicate when your partner is distracted in anyway, such as putting the children to sleep, or watching a TV program etc. Insure that you also give your full attention to your partner when he or she is trying to communicate with you.

Use physical closeness as a way of trying to emotionally and mentally connect with your partner during communication. For example, sit next to your partner and regularly initiate affectionate physical contact such as putting a hand on his or her lap, arm, or or shoulders.

Always keep in mind that there are two points of views in any discussion, and that even though you believe yours might be right, you might find that your partner could be correct instead. The only way that you will ever notice this is by focusing your energy on actually listening to your partner’s side of the discussion instead of focusing your energy to find ways to prove how right you are or how wrong your partner is.

These are just a few powerful tips that you can use to help you improve your overall communication skills with your partner, thus allowing the both of you to become more connected, which in turn will allow yourself and your partner to build a stronger and closer relationship for the future.

Even though your partner promises you that he or she will never cheat again, your mind and soul just can’t seem to get to grips that what your partner is saying could be the truth. The only thing that comes to mind is that if you partner has done it once, he or she will most probably do it again. This brings back feelings of extreme jealousy and hurt because you just don’t want to be put in that situation again.

These feelings are extremely normal, so there is no need to feel ashamed or bad about having them. After all, you were the one that has been cheated on. However, as normal as these feelings are, if you and your partner has agreed to continue and rebuild the relationship, you’re going to have to do your part in dealing with these powerful negative feelings of jealousy and hurt.

Here are a few tips that you can use in order to get to grips with your emotions so that you can rebuild your relationship with your partner once again;

Both of you have to decide how you want the relationship to be from this point onwards. In order to do this, it is crucial that the two of you sit down and really talk about it. Ask each other what changes you want to make in the relationship. Once both yourself and your partner have put forward the changes that each of you would like to make in the relationship, the both of you then need to sincerely acknowledge as to whether you agree to the changes that have been proposed by each party. Avoid getting into negative talk. The idea of talking about rebuilding and putting forward ideas of change is a way to help you get over the negativity of the affair and instead concentrate on how you and your partner can once again become close.

Learn to listen to your inner self. Take a step back and listen to your thoughts and feelings without any emotion getting involved. This is very difficult to do, however, by consciously looking at yourself in an objective manner, you will be able to question your feelings and thoughts more intelligently. You will be able to understand your feelings of hurt and jealousy, thus allowing you to be able to better control these feelings so that you can move forward with the relationship.

Do your best to stay in the present. Many people will tell you that you can learn from the past, and in most cases this is true. However, there is a difference between learning from the past and dwelling in the past. In order to move forward in rebuilding your relationship with your partner, dwelling on all the negative feelings that have derived from what happened in the past will do nothing more than enforce hurt, anger, and finally a breakup or divorce.

By keeping these points in mind, you will find that it becomes a bit more easier to deal with all the powerful emotions of hurt, anger and jealousy that you are experiencing from the affair. However, remember that you can only truly make your relationship work again if you have been sincere to yourself that you would like to give it another chance.

In most cases, the reason why you might be attracting the wrong kind of male is probably because of the photo that you have uploaded for your online dating profile.
Research has shown that the reason why most men get the wrong message is because women upload pictures of themselves that are slightly too revealing in terms of how they are posing, as well as how much skin they are showing in their photos.

So, how do you go about looking sexy and attractive while at the same time attracting the right kind of man?

The best way to do this is by keeping the photo shots natural. In other words, show pictures of yourself in environments that are not sensual or seductive in any way. Great natural shots could be of you having a BBQ with your friends, or playing some kind of sport. By showing your potential dating partners these type of natural settings, you will be able to attract the type of man that is looking for something a little more romantic and long-term instead of those that have difficulty in controlling their hormones.

However, as beneficial as this medium can be, you have to be cautious and smart in the way you go about doing things in the online dating world. Not only will this ensure your safety, it will also help you to get the most accurate response so that you can catch the right dating partner.

Let us take a look at a few tips that you can use in order to get the best experience out of online dating;

Always ask yourself the following questions before writing your profile:

• What makes you unique and special compared to everyone else?
• What do you feel has made a great impact in the way you have decided to live your life. In other words, has there been anything during your life history that has influenced your overall life goal decisions?
• What are you sincerely looking for in a relationship? Be truthful to yourself with this question. By doing so, you will prevent any type of misunderstanding with your potential dating partner in the future.
• What powerful personal characteristics do you possess? In other words, do you see yourself as someone that has great integrity, compassion, persistence, an amazing sense of humor etc.?
• What is the most powerful reason that you are able to give somebody in order for them to take an interest in you?

Here are a few extra tips that you can use to get a better response rate as well as ensure your overall safety online:

• Always upload a picture of yourself. By doing this, you will get a much higher response rate than those that have no picture at all.
• Don’t be afraid to smile in your photos. For someone to be attracted to you, they need to feel that they see a warm and open person in front of them. Smiling is a great way of portraying this.
• Show sincerity in your pictures. A great way to do this is by never wearing sunglasses or a hat. This will allow the potential dating partner to see you for exactly who you are.
• Always have a great headline. Make sure that it’s catchy and unforgettable.
• Never exchange confidential information in your e-mail exchanges.
• Never meet anyone in person until you’ve actually spoken to them on the telephone as well as  given yourself enough time to make the best judgment possible. If someone really has a genuine interest in you, they will be patient and will respect your feelings of wanting to be safe.
• Always create a separate e-mail account for your online dating activities. This allows you to control things better without worrying about privacy.
• Always use a post office box instead of your full home address when registering in a dating site.
• Never use your home telephone number if the dating site requires one. Instead, rather use your cell phone number.
• Avoid giving your full name when chatting or using e-mail. Instead, only give your first name.

By keeping these few tips in mind, you will ensure yourself the safety you need to be able to date online in the most enjoyable environment possible.

Did you know that two out of five single people in the UK now use some kind of on line dating service? That’s 40% of all singles! Unfortunately, the percentage of these people who actually find a real romance as a direct result of their site memberships is very low – probably less than 10%.

Why is this? Well, it’s true that some sites are better than others; they have more
traffic, they are better to navigate; they just ‘work’ whilst others just don’t. But what
really matters is how you use a site when you actually sign-up to one. Take my word
for it, unless you take the five simple steps that I’m about to outline, you may as
well do something more productive with your time than join a singles site. What I’m
about to say may sound obvious and rather simplistic, but you’d be surprised at how
many people don’t bother doing the ‘obvious’. So here goes…

1. Create A Great Profile. This is the most important aspect of your dating site
experience. Don’t just say ‘Nice guy seeks nice girl for trips to the cinema’ – how
boring does that sound? Take the time to say something about yourself, your
lifestyle, your interests and the type of person you’re hoping to meet. And
remember to sound happy, upbeat, fun and confident; if you’re miserable about
your recent breakup, then keep it to yourself! This isn’t the time for modesty; if you
think you’re pretty darn attractive, then be sure to say so. And humour is a real ice-
breaker – if you can make someone laugh, they’ll be more likely to want to contact
you.

2. Always Upload A Photo. Even if you don’t have a very flattering one to hand, you
should always post a pic with your profile. Remember, 95% of people on dating sites
only search for other members who have bothered to provide a picture of
themselves. You want to see what other potential partners look like so it stands to
reason that other people will want to know what you look like too. If your photo isn’t
recent or isn’t a great likeness of you, you can always say so in your profile.

3. Be Proactive. Don’t just join a site and expect other people to contact you. Make
sure you regularly search the database for people with whom you might be
compatible and when you find someone you like the look or sound of, write to them
immediately and tell them why you think you might be a good fit.

4. Write Great Emails. OK, you’ve joined a dating site, you’ve searched for other
members who fall within your specified categories, and you’ve been presented with
a page of matching profiles. You’re eager to fire off a few emails…but what on earth
do you say in them? Re-read the paragraph above about creating a great profile and
apply the same rules to the first email that you send to another member. If it looks
like you can’t be bothered to say much or that you’re sending the same one line
message to several people, then they probably wont bother to reply. Tell that person
a little about who you are and why you think you might both be compatible -
respond directly to what you’ve read in that person’s profile – sound interested and
interesting and you’ll get an email by return – sound boring and downbeat and
you’ll just be ignored.

5. Check Back With The Site. There are two reasons why you should do this as often
as possible. The most obvious one is to keep up to speed with who has joined since
you last logged-on; that special someone might have signed-up since you last
visited the site so don’t miss out. However, what most people don’t realise is that
when you log-in to a dating site, your profile moves up the listings on the internal
search engine which means that you are more likely to be spotted and subsequently
contacted by other people. Don’t be a stranger to the site you’ve joined and I
recommend that you visit the site at least once a day during the lifetime of your
membership.

So there you have it – 5 easy ways to make your chosen dating site work for YOU.
Have fun and happy hunting!

Jonathan White is the founder of http://www.cupidnights.com a London-only dating site and the most successful geo-targeted site in Europe. He writes on the singles scene for various newspapers and magazines.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jonathan_White

So consider this right here to be your eye-opener. I don’t even care if it takes TAPING your upper eyelids to your eyebrows and your lower ones to your cheeks..because I don’t want you to go ANYWHERE until you see what I see alright!?

And today, the sights to feast your eyes on are..ONLINE LOCATIONS.

I can’t understand why people stick to one (1) profile, I just can’t..and in a moment you’re gonna find out why that will be YOUR unfair advantage over the lousy competition.

Here’s the story: Marie MySpace has a profile on MySpace, while her outrageously hot sister Veronica has one on Facebook but NOT on MySpace..for no particular reason.

How are you ever going to find Veronica Facebook on MySpace? You WON’T..and there’s MySpace, Facebook, Match.com, Friendfinder.com, and site number 5 all the way to number 999..

Do you understand what this means?

It means having one profile means missing out on a LOT of women you COULD have met..maybe even women who live a couple of blocks away from you, wouldn’t you agree?

Say you would launch a second profile on another site, think of the advantages:

If you know what your doing with your profile (and you will when you read more of my stuff), so how to create ATTRACTION with it by NOT being boring and introducing some friggin’ excitement to a woman’s life..then you can just COPY PASTE all the profile info of site A, to site B. If your profile is any good, you will now receive messages from women FIRST..on BOTH sites! You will now have MASSIVE amounts of women replying to your messages..on BOTH sites!

So there you go..DOUBLING your results in a matter of minutes..

And I’d sure like to see a handsome guy who meets and dates women in clubs, bars or on the streets CLONE himself then and there, on the spot..so he can meet multiple women in multiple places..AT THE SAME TIME.

He can’t while YOU can, you guessed it..all online.

But we’re NOT through yet..

Because while most men remember that messaging new women is easier..because their email inbox is simply LESS full and you’ll stand out a LOT faster..EVERYBODY forgets NEW SITES.

You see, Myspace, Facebook and the likes are profitable..VERY profitable. So of course some other company will come in and try to eat their lunch, steal away their customers, create their own fan base and be rich. Heck, it’s what the economy LIVES on: competition. New social networking and dating sites are launched almost on a weekly basis (with social networks being the booming industry).

What’s in it for you? Think about it:

A new site means less people are on there, meaning LESS MEN are on there too. But WAIT– what do you mean competition? Are you kidding me? You’ll probably be the only guy there who actually knows what he’s DOING with meeting women online on that site!

There’s virtually NO competition, and because there’s hardly any competition, a woman’s profile inbox will be either EMPTY or near empty..making it A) easier for you to stand out in her inbox and B) she’ll be less annoyed and WAY more open to meeting new people because there’s no spam by losers involved.

There’s no country in the world that doesn’t have dating sites: international ones such as MySpace, Facebook and Match.com have members in every nation..and a LOT of members. While joining them can never hurt your game (and I recommend you join one of those international “Big Boys”), you want to go in the OPPOSITE direction when looking to go from one to several profiles..you will want to look into LOCAL sites, next to the new ones.

Local social networks and dating sites can be the ones in your language only, or for your region only (New York dating or whatever, just an example)..purely based on numbers this is a good idea. Why? While MySpace has millions of members, “New York Dating” (it’s a name I just made up) and other local sites may only contain tens of thousands or maybe a couple hundred thousand members. Less men = easier to stand out.

But the real fun of this “numbers game” begins when you’re going for truly new sites that you didn’t even know about before, but for which you get an invite that goes something like “Cynthia just created a new profile, and wants YOU to join!” Maybe a couple of thousand or tens of thousands of members, but that’s IT.

YES it means there will be less women there.

But YES it will also mean that she will receive WAY less boring, cheesy and needy messages per day from men..which makes standing out in her inbox easier AND creating attraction easier because there’s no “annoyance because of all the spam factor” anymore.

YES there are also less men there, so she just has less options for messaging herself, and when you combine these two MAJOR advantages? It’s like releasing a wolf in a barn full of meaty, delicious sheep..as it’s VERY likely that you’ll be the ONLY “predator” on there!

How to spot these new goldmines? Really simple..

• Watch your inbox, most social networking sites have a “send an invitation to friends option”, so a lot of times you’ll get invitations in your regular email inbox to join lesser known sites (new ones)..
• Ask women..I’ve noticed that the vast majority of invitations comes from women, so you can also ask your female friends/neighbors/relatives/colleagues and so on what sites they know or are on themselves..
• The news..you’ll be surprised of how many internet news is about the success of internet sites (duhhh)
• Google..search for dating plus your country name, in my case it would be “dating NL” for example. Search for “social networks” in your own language (in my language this would be “sociale netwerken”), know what I mean?

Some of my successes: running 4 profiles at the same time, while getting multiple phone numbers from women on all those sites totaling about 25 numbers a week! But man, that would have probably taken you the entire day to do, right? WRONG..one hour per day plus lunch break at work and THAT’S IT. And it could happen to you too..in a short afternoon.

There are other eye opening, secret shortcuts on your road to meeting and dating MASSIVE amounts of beautiful ladies via the internet, and many others.

Dennis Miedema is the owner of Win With Women, a web site and blog, dedicated to coaching and mentoring men on the art of dating women. Contact him at http://www.win-with-women.com .

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Dennis_Miedema

Generally, most women will look for a deep masculine voice in a man. The best way to achieve this is by simply learning to use your diaphragm. Just as soon as our train to exercise their diaphragm and to breathe properly, the same should be applied for anyone that wishes to speak with confidence. By using this approach, you will automatically bring up the best qualities in your voice. This in turn will show confidence in yourself as a man, thus making it very difficult for a woman to ignore your presence.

The careful not to overdo it however. Remember, you are performing on the stage. You are simply having a conversation with a woman. By keeping this in mind, it is essential that you the natural and sincere when speaking with a woman. The only difference is that you’re doing it in a more confident manner.

In order to get the best out of your voice, you need to keep the tones and volume of it controlled. The best way to do this is by always making sure that the tones and volume of your voice is relevant to the topic that you’re talking about. In other words, if you would like to say something sexy to your woman, you would use a more whispery time, slightly lowering the pitch of your voice, as well as its volume. However, if you’ve made a decision to do something, you would save even more outspoken member, slightly raising the pitch and volume as well.

The careful not to fall in love with your voice. Listening is just as crucial as speaking. You have to keep the to balance when it comes to speaking not only with the woman, but with anyone in general. But of the talking, you are at risk of looking overly arrogant, or showing itself as an insecure person that feels you have to say a lot in order to show who you are. Therefore, keep things balanced, be confident, learn to breathe correctly, and learn to use the tones, pitch, and volume of your voice on the correct times during a conversation.

“Boy look at that lovely chick,” John discretely nodded in the direction of a sleek, blonde whose legs seem to reach the sky.

“I don’t know – she just looks like too much work,” Henry responded after studying her through a cloud of smoke rising lazily from the cigarette in his mouth.

“If she is anything like Helen I want to give it a miss,” John thought out loud, “she was like a ton of bricks around your shoulder.”

Unbeknown to many of you (women) men may label or pigeon-hole you as being “too much hard work.” Hence you may find the men would not generally initiate contact with you and if they do they tend to avoid you after a couple of contacts, because they may feel that you are too much work. Similarly men tend to mentally label some women as a great sport to be with.

What do men use to decide whether you are a nice challenge or too much work?

1. Your countenance or the general look on your face. Has anyone ever told you that you need to smile some more? If so you definitely need to practice wearing a smile. A pleasant smiley face tells a lot about. If you have a serious face, even if you would contend that is what God gave you at birth, man may avoid you or give you a wide berth. Not having a pleasant face may signal that you are a very difficult person to start a conversation with although this may not be true, people still judge the book by its cover.

a. I walked into a meeting the other day and saw a girl who flashed a ready smile at me. No she wasn’t really flirting because I noticed she did that to almost everyone. However I felt a natural urged to want to talk to her. She was almost magnetic. While not everyone could be like that, most of us can cultivate a pleasant face, it may feel contrived at first but after a while it will become natural.

2. The way you carry yourself. How you carry your body sends a lot of signals to people who see you. Do you walk with ease and grace, or do you drag yourself around? It is even worse if you give off an air of aristocracy as if you belong to the royal family and everyone else is a commoner. To learn how to carry your body take a look at how models walk and also remember to avoid slouching.

3. The way you speak and your ability to hold a decent conversation. I was once enraptured by a girl whose voice it thought was golden. Not only that he diction and vocabulary was rather impressive. She was a great conversationalist. She listened and asked the right questions at the right time. Many people tend to be afraid to speak to strangers because they don’t know what to say. Its rather simple. Always start by introducing yourself and asking the person their name. You can easily follow this up by telling them where you are from or what field of work you are in and ask about theirs. Find out if they enjoy their work, why they chose that profession etc. To increase you vocabulary, try reading at least 10-15 minutes a day and also listening to radio and television documentaries.

4. The energy and vibes you send out. The enthusiasm you have will magically rub off on other people. People will want to be with you. They will seek you out. Find something to be happy and joyful about. However you are too serious are worst dull most men will run a mile as they want to lighten up and have some fun. While many women say they like someone who can make them laugh, man men equally like to have a happy time when they are with you.

5. Do you have a life? I mean a full and active life. Apart from your work, are you engaged in hobbies, sports, educational clubs and other extra curricula activities? People who don’t have a life tend to be like dead weight. They have nothing or very little variety in their lives and somehow they seem to want you to entertain them. While that is alright for a little while you will soon run out of steam and energy to carry them. Having a full life indicates to a man that he does not have carry emotionally or even have to be continually entertaining you. That’s very good encouragement! If you don’t have one go get a life today. Start by joining a club, group or even volunteer for some charity.