If you are looking for ways to improve your relationship, then you may want to start here. I am going to suggest seven ways that you can use to building trust in a relationship. Usually, we think to improve a relationship, we must always make things exciting to keep the romance going. Well, that would be wrong. And the last thing you would think that does improve the level of trust in a relationship is… predictability!

First way to building trust in a relationship:

Be predictable. Forget the magazines and TV shows that say you must stir up the pot. It’s nonsense. Being consistent and reliable goes much, much further than that in terms of trusting your partner.

Second way to building trust in a relationship:

Your words must match what you do. In so many words, you need to show sincerity with your words. They say verbal cues are a very small part of total communication and that is so true. I call it “passive aggressive” when you are unhappy but show a happy face. But I think you know what I mean here.

Third way to building trust in relationship:

You have to trust your partner’s instinct. I mean come on here! How can you expect anybody for that matter, to trust you if you don’t trust them? Trusting is a two way street.

Fourth way to building trust in relationship:

Don’t lie by omission. Don’t keep secrets from your partner. Because once your partner finds out about something you are keeping a secret (and believe me they will), you better believe they won’t be able to trust you anymore. And why keep secrets from your partner? You have to keep track of the lies to build bigger lies to bury the previous lies. And it goes on and on. It is way too much work. In my opinion, it is a total energy waster that can be easily made to go away by telling the truth.

Fifth way to building trust in relationship:

Your partner isn’t a mind reader. So don’t expect them to know what you need. It is OK to be literal here. And don’t worry, you won’t seem selfish here because your partner knows that relationships is give and go. Being reluctant to communicate your needs to your partner will just worry them needlessly. So tell your partner what you want!

Sixth way to building trust in relationship:

Be willing to say “No.” Suppose your partner communicates a needs that you don’t want to give, it is OK to say no. On the other hand, it is OK for your partner to ask. But think about it this way, your partner will respect you more if you don’t say yes to everything. Being a separate person helps build trust in a relationship.

The last and seventh way to building trust in relationship:

A relationship is a living and breathing thing. It takes work for it to be a handsome tree rather than a sickly bush. Don’t be afraid to deal with crisis, emotions and questions from your relationship. You should embrace it and look for solutions that will bring you closer. Continue to grow your relationship!

In summary, building trust in relationship does take some work. And sometimes you will stumble, but continue to move forward. I have given you seven ways that you can use right now to strengthen your relationship and make it as strong as a 1,000 year old Oak tree.

Time is a valuable asset. As a single parent, I know that getting to the place where romance is even a glimmer of a thought is sometimes challenging; But, I also know that it’s an important aspect of any relationship to preserve. When you lose that emotional connection, it’s easier to slip away. This does not mean that every encounter needs to be deeply meaningful, but keeping that spark alive in little ways is important.

Following are 10 quick (and mostly free) ideas that can help keep the connection strong:

1. Make sure to give good morning and bedtime kisses. It doesn’t matter if your lover is awake, a gentle kiss will subconsciously register your presence and caring. Even if your late or in a hurry, make sure to give a quick peck. It may sound silly, but little touches show love and build trust.
2. Sneak a note in your loved ones car on a weekday evening so they find it in the morning as they head out to work, or to run errands. It doesn’t have to be fancy or overtly sexual, just a quick, “You Rock” will do. I can assure you a smile will follow the discovery.
3. Send a ‘thinking of you’ text message to your significant other during the day. Again, similar to the note, just a quick connection to let your lover know that you think about them even when they’re not there. Even though they may know this, telling them always induces a snuggly, warm-all-over feeling.
4. Whatever your lover is doing, (washing dishes, sitting in a chair watching tv, etc..) give them a quick hug from behind and whisper something sweet in their ear. Do not scare them however, be loud enough so they know you’re there, and then gently hug ‘em from behind (or slap ‘em in the ass if that’s more to their liking ).
5. Buy a ‘thinking of you card’ and mail it them. (this is especially good if your significant other doesn’t live with you, but it works well even if they do). It costs like $3, takes 5 minutes (well, I know some of use spend way to long reading every card, but you get the drift), and will be a nice little day brightener.
6. Reserve a night during the week for an evening of sitting on your butts, snuggling on the couch, watching TV (even if it involves Blue Animals or Princesses so the kids are quiet.) Snuggling is just another form of touch that helps to build closeness and trust.
7. Ask your significant other about their day, and listen to their response. Sometimes in the busy-ness of daily life we forget to keep up with the most important stories of the day, those about the people for whom we love. Once you start listening, you’ll love to catch up each day.
8. Write a ’steamy’ note on the bathroom mirror, so it show’s up when they get out of the shower. Or use lipstick to ensure it stays long enough. Yeah, it’s an oldy, but definitely a goody…have you done it?
9. Order/buy something sexy (lingerie, massage oil, chocolate, sexy shoes, etc.) and have it shipped to your loved one with a note regarding the use of the item. Desired results are almost 100% assured.
10. Tell your lover he/she looks hot…everyone likes to be hot to someone, and if you are that person’s significant other, you ARE the person they want to be hot for.

NOTE: DO NOT do all of these in one day, or even one week. Spread the love out over time and continue spreading. You will reap the rewards of a fully connected, trusting relationship. When couples trust each other and are connected, amazing things can happen.

Sure, candles are great to provide light when the electricity goes out; but what about when you want to have a nice romantic evening? Is romance a dead “art”? It doesn’t have to be.   Candles, especially scented candles, add your favorite fragrance to your room and give it a nice warm glow as well. And just for the record, this isn’t a guy or girl thing; it’s for anyone who wants to show their “special someone” how much they care. Okay, let’s be honest; we’ve seen enough movies to know when it’s a “special night”, candles are everywhere!  

You don’t have to have a boat load of candles like in the movies. If it’s a special dinner, then a lovely set of tapers in the center of the table is just a right touch. If you’re having a “special night”; how about a few votive candles around the tub? Or maybe a couple of scented pillar candles on the night stand.   

Now listen up all you guys who think candles are too “girlie”! Your lady will think you’re such a big, romantic, teddy bear when she sees that you took the time and effort to make her evening special. You will score major points with her; especially if you get her favorite fragrance! You do know her favorite fragrance, right? I’m not advocating manipulation here; I’m just suggesting that when you really care about a person, it pleases you to please them.  

For ladies who may be a little shy about revealing your “complete” self to your partner on a romantic evening, several candles in the room will provide just the right amount of light. We know what a few kids and one burger too many can do to our figures! Light your room with a few candles and your voluptuousness has a glow. With scented candles the room swirls with fragrance. You’re on your way to a very nice evening!   Romance is not “dead”.  Revive it in your life with a little imagination and a few candles.  

The holidays. Everyone is glad that they get to spend time with the ones they love. But, it is also a reminder for many that there is no love currently in their life. Or that the one that is in their life should not be there in the first place. So many people go through the holiday season looking for that special someone.

If you are one of them, there are many things you should be doing and many you should not. Right now let’s focus on what you should not be doing.

DON’T FALL INTO THE TRAP OF DOING THESE 4 THINGS!

1. Showing signs of desperation. The only people that are really attracted to desperate people are not the kind you want to attract. Many people show their desperation without even realizing it and in doing so, they send out a signal to all of the wrong people.

2. Think of the bar scene as being more than it really is. The holidays gets the liquor flowing and many people become a whole lot friendlier than they really are. Or they can easily become expert manipulators with a couple of shots. The bar scene is still what it is even during the holidays.

3. Hook up with someone just to be with someone. No matter what time of year it is, this is one of the worst things you can do. And the holidays make a lot of people do this more than they normally would. You can be perfectly all right without someone and it is much better to wait fro the right person than to just hook up with anyone.

4. Secretly wish for Santa to bring you someone this Christmas. Wishes are no good. They don’t come true. You have to do more than just wish. It’s that simple.

WANT TO LEARN HOW YOU CAN ATTRACT SOMEONE DURING THE HOLIDAYS OR ANY TIME OF THE YEAR?

I never understood women who stood by their husbands after they cheated, until the same thing happened to me.  Turning off your feelings like a light switch or just forgetting all of the good times is easier said than done.  And, I know that I’m alone in feeling this way.  I get a lot of emails from wives that say things like:  “my husband cheated and I am furious with him, but I can’t help it.  I still love him,” or “how spineless am I? My husband cheated on me, but I can’t kick him out or turn my back on him.  I still love him.  I don’t want to let this destroy my family.  Am I wrong to feel this way?,” or “I hate what he did, but I still love him.  What’s wrong with me?”  I’ll try to answer these questions in the following article.  

Whatever You Feel Is Valid: First, I want to reassure you that no matter what you are feeling right now, it’s perfectly normal and it’s absolutely valid.  Your feelings and reactions following finding out about the affair are going to run the gauntlet and probably will differ from day to day.  One day you may be furious.  The next you may be sad.  Another day you may be guilty or ashamed.  These fluctuating feelings, although frustrating, are absolutely natural. 

You’ll have to be patient with yourself as you process this.  Healing doesn’t not happen over night and it is isn’t linear.  You’ll often move forward only to regress a bit later.  That doesn’t mean that you’re delayed or not progressing.  It just means that an affair is a very hard blow and is very difficult to maneuver.

Don’t Worry About What Others Think: One thing that was very difficult for me to get over is the fear of what others thought of me.  I made the mistake of telling most of my girlfriends about the affair.  So, they were just as angry at my husband as I was.  This felt good at first, but as I began to suspect that I wanted to save my marriage, I began to get comments like “just keep an eye on him so that he doesn’t do it again,” or “you’re a better person than I am.  If my husband cheated on me, I’d kick him out immediately,” or “isn’t cheating a deal breaker? How could you possibly even consider taking him back?”

Of course, these things made me doubt what I was feeling and had me feeling like I was constantly wrong or had no backbone whatsoever.  One day, a new friend (who didn’t know my husband) gave me some very good advice.  She said: “Listen, the only one who has to live your life is you.  The only one who should be concerned with your marriage is you and your husband.  You are the only one who knows if his actions are good enough for you.  And that’s the only one who matters – you.”

This really struck a cord with me.  The truth is, my friends were only in my life for a few minutes per day, but my husband had walked the path with me for years, had raised my children with me, and knew me like no one else.  These things could not be discounted just because my friends didn’t see them or hadn’t experienced them.

Separating The Person From The Act:  I often think that people who just can not forgive the affair no matter how hard they try are those who are unable to separate the person (their husband) from the actions (the affair.)  They are never able to get to the place where they can’t think about their husbands and the affair simultaneously.

But, some people are able to do this – which is why forgiveness and another chance are sometimes possible.  This was the case for me.  It took a long time, but eventually, I was able to separate the man who had sacrificed for our family from the man who made one bad decision. Some people are never able to do this, and that’s perfectly normal too.  But, it’s just as normal (and as healthy) to be able to separate the two.

Some Things That May Help You Feel Better About Still Loving Him: After a while, I decided that although I did still love my husband, there were things that I needed to move forward while maintaining my self respect.  I needed to know that my husband was willing to do the work necessary to ensure that this would never happen to me again.  I needed for him to be truly remorseful and to check in frequently.  I needed for him to have no secrets from me, no matter how small.  And, I needed for him to support me while I did some individual work on myself.

He was glad to do these things and his willingness indicated to me that he was trustworthy, sorry, and that the marriage that was worth fighting for.

This decision is very individual and there is no right or wrong answer.  But, if you still love your husband after an affair, that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.  It just means that you were able to separate the person from the act and that you’ve chosen your marital history over one bad decision.

So many concerned wives and husbands have fallen victim to finding out their lover was cheating on them. The very sad truth about this is that most people never know until many years later. It’s such a terrible thing to find out but wouldn’t you like to find out now instead of wasting years of dedication to your cheating lover?

There are many ways to go about finding out if your lover is cheating. For instance, if your lover has been working late all of a sudden then check their paychecks. If you can’t see them then you can just watch their spending habits. People tend to spend more when they make more. Even if it’s just a few hundred dollars more.

You can also do some investigating of your own and get information about the phone numbers you find on their cell phone. Many people who cheat tend to keep in touch with the people their cheating with on their cell phone. So if you see any suspicious phone numbers then write them down.

Once you have those numbers you can use a professional cell phone numbers lookup service which specialize in retrieving information on various phone numbers. They can even give you information on cell phone numbers and even unlisted phone numbers.

Technology has really advanced now so these things are possible. Are you ready to find out if your lover is true to the promises they made to you? Are you certain they are cheating but just don’t know how to catch them in the act?

There are many signs of infidelity, but the problem is that these can also be signs of something else that is not cheating. You need to know what to look for and how to get full 100% proof of what is going on or you might end up confronting your significant other about something that is not going on. Here are the top signs of infidelity and how to get some proof.

1. They start to spend a lot of time with others or doing something else

This could be working late, going out with friends, or a new hobby. These can all be signs that there is someone else in their lives, but they can also be exactly what they are. They could just be working late or just really be into a new hobby. However, this is a warning sign you cannot ignore.

2. They have an aggressive attitude or defensive attitude towards you

Aggression that is not normal and when someone becomes defensive you are most likely dealing with one of two things. Either their mind is somewhere else, maybe work, and something is not going quite right. Or they are feeling guilty for something, which could very easily be cheating.

3. They start to work out and take better care of themselves

When we find someone new we want to impress them, so we might start working out, eating right, and dressing a way that is out of the normal. These are very much warning signs of infidelity and you need to pay attention at this point. However, they could just be trying to look better for you and for themselves.

Once you recognize a few signs that they might be cheating it is time to get some proof of what is going on. You will need to get creative, do some snooping, and have a plan. The best way to catch someone after finding signs of infidelity is to have a step by step plan to help you get the perfect proof you need to bust them with the other person.

This is much better than confronting them and finding out you are wrong and with the right plan you can do what is necessary to catch them in the act without ruining your relationship if they are not cheating.

Have you been asking yourself the question, is my wife cheating? If you have been doing this and you are suspicious of her, then there is probably a good reason for it. There are many ways to find out if your wife is cheating on you and here are the top 3 ways to tell.

When women cheat it usually is not planned out at first, but once it becomes a regular thing they can get very good at it and they can hold it in forever. However, when women do this they will feel incredibly guilty and will try to make up for it in other aspects like being extra sweet to you. This could mean she is cheating, especially if she is going over the top much more often than normal.

Another way to answer the question in your head, is my wife cheating, is to watch her moods. When women feel guilty for cheating they will often become snappy and nothing you do with ever be good enough. They will get upset about the smallest things and they will try to rationalize their cheating by making you feel like you are the biggest jerk in the world. This is a natural reaction and if it happens you might have the answer to, is my wife cheating?

The last way to tell if she is cheating is to notice how much sex you have. Contrary to popular belief women want and need sex just as bad as men, but if they are getting it from someone other than you, then they will not be nearly as willing with you. It will be the same as if you went on a trip and you spent 3 straight days in the hotel room going at it. She is not going to want to have sex with you because she is sore from the guy she is cheating with and she already got fulfilled.

The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn’t an easy answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable. However this is not always the case and there are things you can do before you reach the breaking point that will help.

Here are the 10 most important things:

1. Communicate. Communication is
   important. If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to your
   partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your feelings down. Read
   through what you’ve written. If you find things that are just petty problems
   with no real validity, eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your
   words. For example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is
   cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the past and now you
   don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you what you need to feel secure?
   Once you realize where the feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the
   problem.
2. Resist making accusations.
   Approach your partner calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem.
   Don’t be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end up in an
   argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a letter, then do so. Leave
   while they read it so you aren’t hovering over them, waiting for their reaction.
   Let them process what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you
   want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH of you, not
   just them. Be sure you know the core problem and aren’t just mentioning a
   symptom.
3. Refrain from insulting your
   partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can quickly become a habit and
   eventually someone will say something that the other person cannot forget, or
   worse, forgive.
4. Take time to tell your partner why
   you love him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small as a
   compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you appreciate them.
   Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to be reminded they are loved.
5. Be supportive and look for ways to
   give your partner the things they need the most. Even if they don’t tell you
   what they need, you can figure it out if you pay attention. Some people have a
   hard time telling you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure,
   ask.
6. Don’t neglect yourself. If
   your needs aren’t being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are
   unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much easier to let them
   know, in a positive way, the things you need.
7. Never try to solve a problem when
   you are angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem impossible at
   times but think about it. Is anything ever really solved when you are yelling at
   each other?
8. Set aside some time for just the
   two of you. If not once a week, then at least once a month. This should be
   quality, alone time, however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging
   a specific day each week and take turns planning what you will do.
9. Discuss decisions that affect the
   both of you and try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never
   make an important decision that affects you both without talking to your
   partner.
10. Don’t Lie! Everyone lies
    occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner.
    Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust is taken away. A healthy
    relationship requires trust. Never ever lie about things important to the
    relationship. You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something wrong
    then being caught in a lie.
11. This won’t keep you together but it
    is important to mention. Know when it’s time to leave and make the break.
    Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both
    people in the relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some
    exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes abusive. Do not hope
    things will get better because he/she says they will change. Leave! If at some
    future time they actually do change, you can consider getting back together
    then. Another deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there
    is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust that keeps a
    relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you can’t survive it, but it
    will take a great deal of effort from both people and your partner will have to
    stop. Never give them more than one chance to do so or you will be setting
    yourself up for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner
    sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving, why would they
    change?

©2005 Patricia Fason

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or I’ll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ‘How can I feel better right NOW?’ Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.

1. Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends
   and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking
   about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may consider a support group or
   counseling.
2. Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the
   time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they
   will lose respect for you. This doesn’t mean don’t try to work things out. If
   there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner
   has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not
   help and may hurt the situation.
3. Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a
   class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you
   feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a
   way to counteract that.
4. Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure.
   Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but
   dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a
   relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one who made
   mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you
   learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long
   as you make the necessary changes.
5. Start Dating. You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t stay away from
   other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can
   help the healing process and boast your ego.
6. Don’t fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this
   or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t let people take advantage of
   you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while
   there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it won’t.
7. Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve
   always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.
8. Don’t rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you
   feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take
   time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up
   getting hurt.
9. Avoid dwelling on it. I know it’s impossible not to think about it, but,
   if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take
   your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If
   nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off
   now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date
   anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and
   stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that
   drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with rose colored
   glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the idea in your head that
   if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot
   to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest
   mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!
10. Build your ego. I’ve touched on this already but it is very important.
    Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a
    haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement.
    If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great
    person. Don’t sit there and tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it.
    Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix
    anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you
    feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so don’t
    let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.

©2005 Patricia Fason