Beyond the Grief of Divorce – 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings

If you have been divorced, you know it hurts – especially if your marriage had lasted many years. Whatever the circumstances of your relationship, and whatever the nature of its ending, there is always grief and regret – perhaps regret over the ending or perhaps regret over not ending the relationship sooner – or perhaps both. How to move past the grief and regret? No matter how painful, divorce, like all endings, opens the door to new beginnings. Let’s examine several.

1. Get support: Don’t be embarrassed to ask friends for support. Join a divorce support group. Join a more general women’s or men’s group like ManKind Project and share your story.

2. Reconsider your obligations: In reality, you have NO obligations. There is nothing you ever have to do, because everything you do or don’t do is always a choice. Be especially clear that you don’t owe anyone an explanation or justification for any of your actions – ever.

3. Simplify your life: There is nothing that you really NEED to have. Material possessions seldom bring joy. Consider eliminating whatever you haven’t used in a year, and minimizing new purchases – not based on economy, but on your choice for leading a simple unencumbered life.

4. Try something new: What have you been wanting to do, but couldn’t find the time or commitment to begin? Perhaps yoga, stretching, walking, a new spiritual class, a book discussion group, ballroom dancing.

5. Learn and explore: You are never too old for learning and discovery. Open your mind. Study something you always wanted to know about but that didn’t seem necessary or practical – other cultures and times, comparative religion, whatever calls you.

6. Volunteer: Nothing works better for relieving self-pity than helping others who are worse off. Fill the time you would have spent feeling sorry for yourself by giving something of yourself to others.

7. Get away: If you can possibly afford it, take a trip with a group of compatible people – perhaps a spiritual journey. Also, ask what is tying you to the community where you currently reside. Now is a time to consider the question of where, and how, you really want to live. Believe in yourself. You have free will. You, and only you, are responsible for your life.